If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. I’ve been hearing these words from my mother for as long as I can remember. The funny part about it is I don’t think she told any of my other siblings. I was born right in the middle of my family, brilliant Number 5. If you haven’t guessed by now my parents had nine children. There are eight people with different opinions, but I believe my parents got it right on the fifth try. That is a topic for a different time though. Between all nine of us I only remember our mother telling me this famous idiom. She may have mentioned it from time to time to one of my other brothers, that’s right nine boys, but she mostly reserved that line for yours truly. I guess my habit of telling people exactly what was on my mind started early in my life. I know no other way to talk. If you ask me my opinion about something, you better be ready to hear what I actually think about it. If your feelings are hurt, I am sorry, but not actually sorry. It is what it is. I stay quiet and hold my tongue most of the time. So, I get why she always told me this, and I am just now realizing this. This advice probably saved me from getting into many unwanted situations and more importantly saved a lot of people’s feelings. I went over to my parents’ house to tell my mother this. It was a funny realization for me, and I just had to find out if there was any truth to the matter.
I love getting to my parents’ house and walking up to the front porch, it reminds me of my time growing up in this crazy, but awesome, house with my family. My mother greets me with a big hug and kiss. We went into the kitchen since she was in the middle of making some dinner. Perfect timing for me because I was pretty hungry and realized I hadn’t eaten all day. There is nothing better than my mother’s cooking, especially if you’re hungry. We chatted for a bit, my mother was asking about all the things I have been up to lately and just seeing how I am holding up in general. I was just about to bring up the reason I came over in the first place, which is that I realized why she always told me to not say anything if I had nothing nice to say, when she brought up my cousin Julius and his uncle Max. Julius was my father’s brother’s son, also my favorite cousin and best friend. We grew up together and were born in the same year only 3 months apart. We were in the same grade, went to the same schools, liked and played the same sports, went everywhere together. We were more like brothers than cousins in many ways. We lived close to each other as well, so we spent a tremendous amount of time together, growing up together and figuring life out together.
Julius had this uncle named Max on his mother’s side, he was not my uncle, and I would like to make this very clear. This guy was the worst. He was a real asshole to put it nicely. He was always a jerk to me; from the time I was a little kid until now. I haven’t seen him in years so maybe he’s not a dick anymore, but he probably still is. The only redeeming quality he had was that he had this spectacular pool. It was huge and had a diving board, a slide, a pool house, and even a jacuzzi off to the side. This was the pool of your dreams. Well, this guy Max hated everybody except his nephew Julius, and because of this we got to use his pool anytime we wanted. This was cool, all I had to do was put up with this old man being a dick to me every chance he got, and I got to chill in an incredible pool. I guess it was worth it, but one thing is for sure, and that is this dude Max was the ultimate jerk and hated almost everybody unapologetically.
Apparently, Julius’ uncle Max was dying. I knew he wasn’t doing well because Julius talked to me about it, but he never said much about it. Julius knew I had no love for his uncle, besides the fact we got to use that pool so much growing up. My mother wanted me to go over to the old man’s house, she knew my hate for him. She wanted me to go over there and show some appreciation for all those years that we got to go swimming in his pool. I was not the only one of my siblings to enjoy that pool, but of course I am the only one that was asked to go over there. Bad timing for me to come over. After some half efforted arguing about going, I told my mother I would walk over there right now. How bad could it be? It will take 5 minutes max.
It’s a short walk to Max’ house, I would say about a ten minute walk the house is only two blocks away. I started to think about Max while I was making my way to his house, a walk I’ve made thousands of times over the years. He was always so angry and pissed off when he would see me, and I could never figure out why. I always showed the man respect from the moment I met him, that’s how my parents raised me. He was never respectful to me from the moment we met. I would always ask Julius, “Why is your uncle a dick dude?” We would just laugh it off because neither of us could really figure out why, he seemed to have had a good life. He was never married and never had any kids, but he did have all kinds of cool stuff and latest gadgets that he was always showing us, well mostly showing Julius but I was there too.
About halfway to the house I made up my mind to tell the man how I really felt about him instead of thanking him for being ‘nice’ and letting us use his pool all these years like my mother instructed me. I was hyping myself up during the last few minutes of the walk. I am going to go in there and tell him that I never liked him and that he is just a huge jerk, and the world is better now that he is dying; or something along those lines maybe not the world being better part that’s a little extreme. The walk to the house had me pumped up pretty good. I was feeling pretty good about telling him off.
I get to the house and walk up to the front door and knock. Julius was there and answered the door, he was very surprised to see me there. He was spending extra time there since his uncle had been getting worse and worse. He was so shocked to see me there and I explained to him that my mother sent me over here to see Max and thank him for being nice enough to let me and my other siblings use his pool all these years. The look on Julius’ face was classic, he started laughing and couldn’t believe that I had actually come. He thought my mother was being funny. I refused to think this was funny because everyone knows I really didn’t like Max. I asked Julius where old man Max was at. He said he was laid up in the pool house, that is where he has been spending his time lately not really caring to do anything or see many people. I would probably want to spend my last days there too, it’s a very relaxing place. We walked out to the pool house and as soon as we entered, I saw Max laying there on a couch. He saw me as soon as we walked in and said, “Well, well look who it is? You still doing that stupid fishing shit? Just sitting by the water wasting time?” I like fishing but I don’t go fishing, it’s not how I generally spend my free time, but this guy one time overheard me talking about fishing and ever since then he brings it up all the time. I hadn’t even been fishing in a couple years at this point. I just kind of told him that although fishing is fun, I don’t do it regularly at all. At this point Julius excused himself to the restroom.
I took this chance to tell Max that he was a dick. As soon as Julius was out of the room Max says, “Came to see an old man dying huh?” I replied that is not the real reason I came here today. “The reason I am here is so that you don’t die without first hearing from me how much of an asshole you have been in your life, at least in the last 25 years of your life.” He had a look of surprise on his face and I went on, “I mean thanks for letting me use this sweet pool all these years, that is probably the only nice thing I’ve seen you do. It’s no wonder Julius is the only one here as you die, you were a jerk to every person that came across you. I just had to come down here and let you know that I have never liked you and I’m glad you’re sick and dying. None of my siblings ever liked you either, the only reason we respected you was because that’s how we were raised by our parents. I hope you don’t rest in peace, I hope you get in the afterlife what you gave out in real life. Next time I see you will be at your funeral.” I didn’t even give him a chance to respond nor did I care what he had to say after that. I passed by Julius on my way out and said I’ll call him later to hang out and I was out of there hustling back to my parents’ house.
At least that is how I wished it had gone down. As soon as Julius left the pool house, I had a voice in the back of my head saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” With my mother’s voice ringing loudly in my head I changed my attitude, for the moment, about the old man. I simply told him that my mother was grateful that me and my siblings were able to come over so often and use the pool. He laughed and said that my mother had to send her little mama’s boy over to thank the dying old man. I kept my thoughts to myself after this and just waved him off and left. Even as an adult the lessons my mother taught me are still being used and tested. It was a good thing I kept that to myself that day because thinking back it would have caused a lot of drama and stress on my friendship with Julius. You are never too old to listen to your mother, she knew best then, and she knows what is best now. When I got back to my parents’ house, I told my mother it went fine and gave her a huge hug and kiss and thanked her. I never told her that I realized why she would only tell me that line, but a part of me feels like she knew. Mothers always know.